Weird Much

Well, this is just banter, really...

So, here’s the thing... I’m weird. Or at least, I think I am. I like and do weird things that make sense only to me. For instance, I genuinely enjoy the smell of a refuse dump or anything that smells bad (yes, I know, don’t ask).  

I love being in my own bubble, lost in my thoughts. Honestly, I could stay in my home for years without feeling the need to interact with people. And I’d be perfectly fine.  

I love cooking, but here’s the twist, I hardly eat. I can go days without feeling hungry or even thinking about food. Weird, right?  

There are days when I’m on top of the world, buzzing with happiness, and other days when I’m buried in sadness. No in-between.  

Sex? Oh, I love it, but lately, let’s just say it’s been a drought, and guess what? I’m oddly okay with that too. Told you, I’m weird.  

I’m a serial dabbler. I can’t stick to one thing at a time. I have about 17 business Instagram pages (crazy, I know), and 6 or 7 of them are active. The rest? Well, I’ll get to them eventually.  

I do quirky things like liking social media posts just to make the numbers a round figure. If I see 199 likes, I’ll like the post just to make it 200. I also like posts just because they don’t have enough likes, and I imagine it’ll make the poster happy.  

Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll ever have millions of naira/dollars just chilling in my account. And then I ask myself, “Why am I working so hard again?”  

I believe in living life on your own terms. No manual, no rules, just vibes. After all, we only get this one life.  

Now, religion? That’s a tricky one. I grew up in a Christian home, but I’m not so sure where I stand. I love the idea of God, but I don’t entirely believe. It’ll take a lot to make me understand it all. 

Marriage? I still don't think it's cut out for me. I think I’m just too much of a free spirit, but who knows?

Kids? Not really my thing, but I had one to stop family members from bugging me. Now? I love my child to the moon and back.  

I’m a certified night crawler... up most nights and almost never napping during the day.  

I’m a hopeless romantic. I love *love*. I binge romantic movies, Google the actors, and lowkey hope they’re a couple in real life. 

The irony? I love horror movies just as much as I love romantic movies. I can't seem to explain this one.

I love my simple life, but I still wonder what it’s like to never work a day in your life, or to be a billionaire.

Deep down, I think I just want to be a babygirl. Just enjoy life without worrying about money.

Like I said, just banter.  

XOXO,  

Lama.

8 

Grateful 🙏🏽

Where Do I Even Begin?

2020 has been an incredibly long and challenging year for so many, myself included. But today, on this first day of December, I feel nothing but gratitude for being alive to witness it.  

At the end of 2019, I had a grand vision—personal growth, business expansion (for those who don’t know, I’m an event planner in Nigeria; IG: @laheiress), and so much more.  

We usually take our family vacation in January, but because I had a packed schedule with three events that month, we decided to postpone it to February. By then, whispers of COVID-19 were circulating, but my husband didn’t take it as seriously as I did. I, on the other hand, was masked up throughout our trip.  

By the end of February, COVID-19 had become a full-blown threat. I was terrified because we had events lined up back-to-back until May. I started panicking about how we would manage postponements, especially since everything was already set in motion.  

When lockdown was officially announced on March 20th, I was thrown into a whirlwind. We had an event scheduled the very next day! Despite my advice, the couple was adamant about proceeding. But after all the planning, who could blame them?  

We faced a massive challenge when the event hall denied us access after the décor was set up. We had to move everything to the groom’s father’s compound, which could only accommodate 50 people. Imagine cutting down a 700-guest wedding to 50! It seemed impossible, but somehow, we pulled it off. (The details of how we managed are a story for another day.)  

Then came the lockdown. With both my husband and I in the events industry, everything ground to a halt. That’s when I pivoted, starting to sell COVID-19 essentials. It turned out to be a massive hit—from sanitizers to face masks and eventually producing our own face shields.  

I also started an Instagram blog (@lamagists), covering the Big Brother Naija show and other trending news. The blog took off, and I even started making money from advertisements.  

Despite the success, something shifted within me. Selling COVID-19 essentials gave me a sense of purpose I hadn’t felt in a while, even in my event planning business. Slowly, a void began to grow. I felt unfulfilled, and eventually, I sank into a deep depression.  

My husband tried to help, reminding me of how much I earned from event planning. My mom, on the other hand, took a religious approach. But I felt alone in my struggles.  

The only person who seemed to understand was my sister, but she was already dealing with her own trauma after losing her best friend to depression. I felt selfish for burdening her, so I withdrew entirely.  

I spiraled, crying for days, skipping showers, and feeling completely unmotivated. The darkest thoughts crept in, and one night, I genuinely contemplated ending it all. I was tired, unfulfilled, and overwhelmed by sadness. I couldn’t even put a name to what I was feeling—depression? Midlife crisis? I didn’t know.  

The only thing that stopped me was my son. As I watched him sleep, the thought of someone else raising him tore me apart. When he stretched out his little hands in his sleep, searching for me, I broke down. I put the bottle down and cried bitterly.  

That night, I resolved to fight back. I started reading about how to cope with depression and other feelings I couldn’t explain. I’m not 100% there yet, but I’m much better now. I still have tough days, but I know brighter ones are ahead.  

The turning point for me was realizing the value of the little things I had taken for granted... moments of joy, small victories, and the people who care about me. I’ve decided to focus on those and live each day as it comes, without overthinking or over-worrying about tomorrow.  

To everyone who noticed my absence from social media and reached out, thank you. Your kindness means more than you know.  

To anyone struggling with similar feelings, please know that suicide is never the answer. If you can, check on your loved ones, they may need it more than you realize.  

Here’s to a brighter, more beautiful 2021! 💃💃💃  

Love,  

Lama

Pregnancy, Phobias and the Joy of a New Born Baby!

My Phobia

Many of you must have been wondering where I have been. Well, I recently had a baby.

I never in a thousand years thought I would ever be a mother. For some reason, pregnancy and labour scared me shitless. It became a phobia that I nursed and allowed to get the best of me.

As a result, when I got married in 2015/2016, having a baby just wasn't in the books for me. I never thought I would be a mother. I thought I could never love a child more than I love myself, because for me, that was the only reason any lady should want to be a mother.

The Pregnancy

Early this year, when I discovered that I was pregnant, it was a battle for me. A battle between removing the foetus and keeping it. I just didn't feel ready. I needed to be emotionally ready to bring a child into the world and I just wasn't feeling ready.

At about 9 weeks, I decided to inform my parents because that was the only way I wasn't going to abort the foetus.

Weeks flew into months, I had the worst first trimester, spat all through the entire 10 months, vommited like there was no tomorrow, heartburn from beginning to end, the nausea was epic!

As the due date approached, I became very scared. I wondered about a lot of things... If I would die during childbirth, what the child would look like, if he would be deformed (well, I wasn't exactly faithful to my prenatal meds), I wondered how having a baby would affect my business.

At some point, I actually thought it was a calabash inside me, because I just could not bring myself to believe that a human was growing inside of me... 

But in all of this, one thing remained constant, I just wanted the baby to be fine even if it meant me not being fine. 

The Delivery

On the delivery day, I walked into the theatre thinking, this may be the end of me or the beginning of a beautiful new chapter in my life.

When the baby was born and the doctor asked me if I would like to carry my child, my reaction was, "Ewww, God no! Please have him cleaned up. Thank you."

I felt nothing! Then it hit me, I am a mother! I panicked! How did this happen? I never even thought I would ever keep a pregnancy let alone have a baby.

For the first two days, I was too tired and the scary part was, I felt no emotion whatsoever towards my baby. I was beginning to feel that something was wrong with me. I felt sad. It felt as if I wasn't capable of loving my own child.

The Healing

And then it changed! The nurse came in on the third day to take the baby's vitals and she had a worrisome look on her face. The way I jumped out of the bed was enough to tell me that somewhere deep down, this was love in its purest form.

The baby was fine apparently, I was the one that needed healing. I kept thinking what if something happened to my child, I won't forgive myself for not showing the poor baby some love.

And in that moment, I felt love like I have never felt before. It was an overwhelming feeling. 

That was the moment I got over my worst phobia. I would do this over again just to feel the way I feel now. Being able to love another more than you love yourself is the most selfless feeling in the world and I wont trade that for anything.

I love you baby Olamishile.

Motherhood: It's been a lonely and life changing road for me

Sigh.

I don't even know where to begin.

This past year of motherhood has taken something from me. I want to be honest about that... not because I don't love my son, but because I think too many women are suffering quietly behind a smile and a "I'm managing."

I am not always managing.

Some days I wonder if I am built for this. Not because I don't love him fiercely... but because society hands you a baby and simultaneously hands you an impossible standard. And then other women, the ones who should understand most, become the loudest critics. That part hurt more than I expected.

My first real battle was adjusting to a life I could no longer recognise as mine.

I still haven't fully figured it out.

No help. No village. Just me, running on almost no sleep, waking up to bathe him, bathe myself, cook, pack two bags, and show up to my business like I had a full night's rest. Every single day. And because I was exclusively breastfeeding and he refused a bottle, I carried him everywhere... long trips, work commitments, everything. My body was not my own. My time was not my own.

I am an entrepreneur. I built my life around freedom and intention. Losing control of my own schedule... not even being able to jump in the shower without planning it... broke something in me a little. I won't pretend otherwise.

My second battle was loneliness dressed up as being surrounded by people.

My husband tries. He genuinely does. But trying and being enough are not always the same thing. And what I needed... what I still need sometimes, is just someone to look me in the eye and say you are doing a great job today. Not once. Regularly. Because this job has no performance review, no salary, and no days off.

I stopped reaching out because it felt like no one would truly understand. My mother's generation was taught to carry it and keep moving. She had three of us and didn't complain. I know that. But silence is not strength. It is just silence.

And can we talk about the weight of it all for a moment?

We work. We build. We come home and we cook and clean and organise and nurture and hold everything together... and we are not supposed to be tired. We are not supposed to have hard days. We are not supposed to say this is too much.

But it is sometimes too much.

And saying that out loud does not make me a bad mother. It makes me an honest one.

I am still here. Still showing up. Still learning.

But I am also still human. And I needed to say that. 🤍

Diary Of A Wedding Planner

Did I Always Know I'd Be an Event Planner?

For those who’ve wondered if I always knew I’d end up as an event planner, the answer is a big NO!  

I never thought wedding planning would be my career path. But life is full of surprises... things change, people change, passions evolve, and all these changes shape who we become.  

I started out running an ushering agency, and while it was doing okay, I felt unchallenged. It was too easy to get ladies to become ushers, and at some point, it seemed like everyone was doing it. If there’s one thing I dislike, it’s doing something that feels easy. I crave challenges, they fuel me.  

That desire for something more led me to the event industry. During my days running the ushering agency, I realized how much I enjoyed making guests feel comfortable and ensuring events ran smoothly. Those moments gave me joy.  

Still, I didn’t immediately think of becoming an event planner. But as time passed and my passion for events, especially weddings grew, I decided to take the leap and follow that spark.  

I didn’t have the funds for professional training. So, I trained myself. I devoured anything I could find about weddings, bought old wedding magazines, and spent hours reading.  

I remember asking a friend of mine, Dr. Niyi, who wasn’t even in the country at the time, to send me wedding magazines. He thought it was such an unusual request, but he got them for me anyway. (Thank you, Dr. Niyi!)  

Every night, I read for at least two hours. Those magazines and articles became my training ground. Today, I can proudly say I’m a self-taught wedding planner. I learned everything on the job, through trial and error, and sheer determination.  

The journey wasn’t easy... far from it. From struggling to find clients to making major mistakes, I quickly realized that what I read in those magazines was very different from what working at actual events taught me.  

But those challenges shaped me into the planner I am today. And now, I’m excited to share that journey with you in the upcoming episodes of my Wedding Planning Diary.

Stay tuned as I dive into the lessons, mistakes, and wins that have defined my career so far.  

With love,  

Olamide,

The Journey (Series 7)

Let me start by apologising for the long break, I have been so busy with weddings but I am back now. Thank you for all the mails, it has also encouraged me to create time to write.

So where were we? Ha ha! My gbese (debt). Over 200k in debt, I knew I had to start something and fast too. I was able to save up a little money from my previous job (an advert executive at one of the foremost fashion magazine, Wow! Magazine.

I have always saved money from coins to notes (thank you daddy for buying us piggy banks from or tender ages)

I had about N80,000 saved up and I paid part of the debt with N70,000 and kept N10,000 for other unforeseen circumstances that may come up.

I decided to come up with another method of advertising what I did. I talked and wrote about our services and why it was a necessity to have hostesses at events and people were beginning to buy the idea and then the big break came! 

This was in April 2015, please be reminded that the first audition was in July 2013. So this was almost two years after. 

So after the last free ushering job in April, 2015, I got another call from a wedding planning company. They wanted to use my hostesses! I was delighted! I charged a sum of 6k per hostess. It was a two day event, so I was paid for two days each for the hostesses. The agreed but I still didn't have the required outfits and colour. I bought each outfit for N1,500/outfit (for the white outfit), and also spent N1,800/outfit for the traditional attire. so I was left with N4,500 and N4,200 respectively.

I paid the hostesses N8,000 each for both days. Not much profit but it was something. 

After the job, I continued with the advertisment, letting people understand the importance of hostesses at events and somehow, more doors started opening. We had atleast 6 or 8 jobs from April till December. It was a relief. We also had about 5 weddings that we planned. 

In my next few posts, I will be talking about my wedding planning journey. 

In all, perseverance pays eventually. It may be hard at first, you may derail from the initial passion into other things, people may not believe in your dream (and honestly, they dont have to) as long as you believe. 

Keep at it. Persevere and be ready for all the hardwork, disappointments and delays that may come with trying something new.

And with God on your side, you will succeed eventually.

Love,

Olamide~ The Heiress

The Journey (Series 6)

You can't spell Challenge without Change.

The break or so I thought.

I started getting the attention of potential buyers, started taking orders and ordering from this online store. Hmmmn, the suffer wey I suffer no be small. I ordered for so many items at once because my customers just kept placing orders. My first set of orders were accessories. It took forever to get to Nigeria. 

Eventually, after about 7 weeks, they eventually arrived but to my surprise, they looked totally different from what the online picture displayed. I was devastated. 

How do I explain to the customer who had waited for almost two months that her goods were not the same thing and there must have been a mix up somewhere. Eventually, I had to return the money. (first loss)

That did not stop me, I forged ahead and ordered for more things, including bridal wears for some brides, I had calculated at most two months maximum for the goods to arrive, but to my disappointment, the goods never arrived. I had disappointed a bride, I was crushed. I apologised profusely but it all fell on deaf ears (Who could blame her). I had to yet again return money to another customer.

I was always tensed and these customers won't stop calling to ask when their items would be delivered. It was always one issue or the other. If it was not the size, then the material will be inferior or not the same design as what was ordered for. I still have items in my closet that arrived late or wasn't the actual size ordered for, that I had to return money for.

Then I decided to try Dubai, I thought to myself, if one door closes, another will open. It opened alright but... I don't know which was worse. I was introduced to someone in the business and he lived in Dubai, what he did for me was to go to their market, send pictures of what they had in stock and send to me. 

I would advertise and get customers to make payments and then would send the money to him to purchase these goods and send to me in Nigeria. The first few times went smoothly but subsequently, his clientele base grew and he started mixing orders. I once had about 20 handbags mixed with my orders and I had to pay customs for clearing these items. 

I was angry, unhappy and grumpy. I was not fulfilled and I was spending money that I did not have.

During this trying period, one thing that remained constant was the fact that I still wanted to continue the ushering business. It always kept rearing its beautiful head to tell me that she was still waiting for me to return to my first love. *big grin*

It was on one of these disappointing encounters with another customer that I decided that enough was enough and I was going to face La' Heiress squarely. 

By this time, I was in debt. I had no money. I had spent all I had on the Personal shopping business and I still needed to pay off debts incurred from my disappointed clients.

I thought it was the end, where was I going to get money to pay off my debts, I was the definition of "temi ba mi". 

It was a verying period for me, over 200k debt. 200k may look small but it was a lot of money to me then. I contemplated committing suicide but I guess I loved life too much to take my own life. Lol

To be continued...