Pregnancy, Phobias and the Joy of a New Born Baby!

My Phobia

Many of you must have been wondering where I have been. Well, I recently had a baby.

I never in a thousand years thought I would ever be a mother. For some reason, pregnancy and labour scared me shitless. It became a phobia that I nursed and allowed to get the best of me.

As a result, when I got married in 2015/2016, having a baby just wasn't in the books for me. I never thought I would be a mother. I thought I could never love a child more than I love myself, because for me, that was the only reason any lady should want to be a mother.

The Pregnancy

Early this year, when I discovered that I was pregnant, it was a battle for me. A battle between removing the foetus and keeping it. I just didn't feel ready. I needed to be emotionally ready to bring a child into the world and I just wasn't feeling ready.

At about 9 weeks, I decided to inform my parents because that was the only way I wasn't going to abort the foetus.

Weeks flew into months, I had the worst first trimester, spat all through the entire 10 months, vommited like there was no tomorrow, heartburn from beginning to end, the nausea was epic!

As the due date approached, I became very scared. I wondered about a lot of things... If I would die during childbirth, what the child would look like, if he would be deformed (well, I wasn't exactly faithful to my prenatal meds), I wondered how having a baby would affect my business.

At some point, I actually thought it was a calabash inside me, because I just could not bring myself to believe that a human was growing inside of me... 

But in all of this, one thing remained constant, I just wanted the baby to be fine even if it meant me not being fine. 

The Delivery

On the delivery day, I walked into the theatre thinking, this may be the end of me or the beginning of a beautiful new chapter in my life.

When the baby was born and the doctor asked me if I would like to carry my child, my reaction was, "Ewww, God no! Please have him cleaned up. Thank you."

I felt nothing! Then it hit me, I am a mother! I panicked! How did this happen? I never even thought I would ever keep a pregnancy let alone have a baby.

For the first two days, I was too tired and the scary part was, I felt no emotion whatsoever towards my baby. I was beginning to feel that something was wrong with me. I felt sad. It felt as if I wasn't capable of loving my own child.

The Healing

And then it changed! The nurse came in on the third day to take the baby's vitals and she had a worrisome look on her face. The way I jumped out of the bed was enough to tell me that somewhere deep down, this was love in its purest form.

The baby was fine apparently, I was the one that needed healing. I kept thinking what if something happened to my child, I won't forgive myself for not showing the poor baby some love.

And in that moment, I felt love like I have never felt before. It was an overwhelming feeling. 

That was the moment I got over my worst phobia. I would do this over again just to feel the way I feel now. Being able to love another more than you love yourself is the most selfless feeling in the world and I wont trade that for anything.

I love you baby Olamishile.

Motherhood: It's been a lonely and life changing road for me

Sigh.

I don't even know where to begin.

This past year of motherhood has taken something from me. I want to be honest about that... not because I don't love my son, but because I think too many women are suffering quietly behind a smile and a "I'm managing."

I am not always managing.

Some days I wonder if I am built for this. Not because I don't love him fiercely... but because society hands you a baby and simultaneously hands you an impossible standard. And then other women, the ones who should understand most, become the loudest critics. That part hurt more than I expected.

My first real battle was adjusting to a life I could no longer recognise as mine.

I still haven't fully figured it out.

No help. No village. Just me, running on almost no sleep, waking up to bathe him, bathe myself, cook, pack two bags, and show up to my business like I had a full night's rest. Every single day. And because I was exclusively breastfeeding and he refused a bottle, I carried him everywhere... long trips, work commitments, everything. My body was not my own. My time was not my own.

I am an entrepreneur. I built my life around freedom and intention. Losing control of my own schedule... not even being able to jump in the shower without planning it... broke something in me a little. I won't pretend otherwise.

My second battle was loneliness dressed up as being surrounded by people.

My husband tries. He genuinely does. But trying and being enough are not always the same thing. And what I needed... what I still need sometimes, is just someone to look me in the eye and say you are doing a great job today. Not once. Regularly. Because this job has no performance review, no salary, and no days off.

I stopped reaching out because it felt like no one would truly understand. My mother's generation was taught to carry it and keep moving. She had three of us and didn't complain. I know that. But silence is not strength. It is just silence.

And can we talk about the weight of it all for a moment?

We work. We build. We come home and we cook and clean and organise and nurture and hold everything together... and we are not supposed to be tired. We are not supposed to have hard days. We are not supposed to say this is too much.

But it is sometimes too much.

And saying that out loud does not make me a bad mother. It makes me an honest one.

I am still here. Still showing up. Still learning.

But I am also still human. And I needed to say that. 🤍

Diary Of A Wedding Planner

Did I Always Know I'd Be an Event Planner?

For those who’ve wondered if I always knew I’d end up as an event planner, the answer is a big NO!  

I never thought wedding planning would be my career path. But life is full of surprises... things change, people change, passions evolve, and all these changes shape who we become.  

I started out running an ushering agency, and while it was doing okay, I felt unchallenged. It was too easy to get ladies to become ushers, and at some point, it seemed like everyone was doing it. If there’s one thing I dislike, it’s doing something that feels easy. I crave challenges, they fuel me.  

That desire for something more led me to the event industry. During my days running the ushering agency, I realized how much I enjoyed making guests feel comfortable and ensuring events ran smoothly. Those moments gave me joy.  

Still, I didn’t immediately think of becoming an event planner. But as time passed and my passion for events, especially weddings grew, I decided to take the leap and follow that spark.  

I didn’t have the funds for professional training. So, I trained myself. I devoured anything I could find about weddings, bought old wedding magazines, and spent hours reading.  

I remember asking a friend of mine, Dr. Niyi, who wasn’t even in the country at the time, to send me wedding magazines. He thought it was such an unusual request, but he got them for me anyway. (Thank you, Dr. Niyi!)  

Every night, I read for at least two hours. Those magazines and articles became my training ground. Today, I can proudly say I’m a self-taught wedding planner. I learned everything on the job, through trial and error, and sheer determination.  

The journey wasn’t easy... far from it. From struggling to find clients to making major mistakes, I quickly realized that what I read in those magazines was very different from what working at actual events taught me.  

But those challenges shaped me into the planner I am today. And now, I’m excited to share that journey with you in the upcoming episodes of my Wedding Planning Diary.

Stay tuned as I dive into the lessons, mistakes, and wins that have defined my career so far.  

With love,  

Olamide,

The Journey (Series 7)

Let me start by apologising for the long break, I have been so busy with weddings but I am back now. Thank you for all the mails, it has also encouraged me to create time to write.

So where were we? Ha ha! My gbese (debt). Over 200k in debt, I knew I had to start something and fast too. I was able to save up a little money from my previous job (an advert executive at one of the foremost fashion magazine, Wow! Magazine.

I have always saved money from coins to notes (thank you daddy for buying us piggy banks from or tender ages)

I had about N80,000 saved up and I paid part of the debt with N70,000 and kept N10,000 for other unforeseen circumstances that may come up.

I decided to come up with another method of advertising what I did. I talked and wrote about our services and why it was a necessity to have hostesses at events and people were beginning to buy the idea and then the big break came! 

This was in April 2015, please be reminded that the first audition was in July 2013. So this was almost two years after. 

So after the last free ushering job in April, 2015, I got another call from a wedding planning company. They wanted to use my hostesses! I was delighted! I charged a sum of 6k per hostess. It was a two day event, so I was paid for two days each for the hostesses. The agreed but I still didn't have the required outfits and colour. I bought each outfit for N1,500/outfit (for the white outfit), and also spent N1,800/outfit for the traditional attire. so I was left with N4,500 and N4,200 respectively.

I paid the hostesses N8,000 each for both days. Not much profit but it was something. 

After the job, I continued with the advertisment, letting people understand the importance of hostesses at events and somehow, more doors started opening. We had atleast 6 or 8 jobs from April till December. It was a relief. We also had about 5 weddings that we planned. 

In my next few posts, I will be talking about my wedding planning journey. 

In all, perseverance pays eventually. It may be hard at first, you may derail from the initial passion into other things, people may not believe in your dream (and honestly, they dont have to) as long as you believe. 

Keep at it. Persevere and be ready for all the hardwork, disappointments and delays that may come with trying something new.

And with God on your side, you will succeed eventually.

Love,

Olamide~ The Heiress

The Journey (Series 6)

You can't spell Challenge without Change.

The break or so I thought.

I started getting the attention of potential buyers, started taking orders and ordering from this online store. Hmmmn, the suffer wey I suffer no be small. I ordered for so many items at once because my customers just kept placing orders. My first set of orders were accessories. It took forever to get to Nigeria. 

Eventually, after about 7 weeks, they eventually arrived but to my surprise, they looked totally different from what the online picture displayed. I was devastated. 

How do I explain to the customer who had waited for almost two months that her goods were not the same thing and there must have been a mix up somewhere. Eventually, I had to return the money. (first loss)

That did not stop me, I forged ahead and ordered for more things, including bridal wears for some brides, I had calculated at most two months maximum for the goods to arrive, but to my disappointment, the goods never arrived. I had disappointed a bride, I was crushed. I apologised profusely but it all fell on deaf ears (Who could blame her). I had to yet again return money to another customer.

I was always tensed and these customers won't stop calling to ask when their items would be delivered. It was always one issue or the other. If it was not the size, then the material will be inferior or not the same design as what was ordered for. I still have items in my closet that arrived late or wasn't the actual size ordered for, that I had to return money for.

Then I decided to try Dubai, I thought to myself, if one door closes, another will open. It opened alright but... I don't know which was worse. I was introduced to someone in the business and he lived in Dubai, what he did for me was to go to their market, send pictures of what they had in stock and send to me. 

I would advertise and get customers to make payments and then would send the money to him to purchase these goods and send to me in Nigeria. The first few times went smoothly but subsequently, his clientele base grew and he started mixing orders. I once had about 20 handbags mixed with my orders and I had to pay customs for clearing these items. 

I was angry, unhappy and grumpy. I was not fulfilled and I was spending money that I did not have.

During this trying period, one thing that remained constant was the fact that I still wanted to continue the ushering business. It always kept rearing its beautiful head to tell me that she was still waiting for me to return to my first love. *big grin*

It was on one of these disappointing encounters with another customer that I decided that enough was enough and I was going to face La' Heiress squarely. 

By this time, I was in debt. I had no money. I had spent all I had on the Personal shopping business and I still needed to pay off debts incurred from my disappointed clients.

I thought it was the end, where was I going to get money to pay off my debts, I was the definition of "temi ba mi". 

It was a verying period for me, over 200k debt. 200k may look small but it was a lot of money to me then. I contemplated committing suicide but I guess I loved life too much to take my own life. Lol

To be continued...

The Journey (Series 5)

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.

The journey was indeed slow. Slower than I thought, I started appreciating all the business owners that I knew. That was when I knew that life was not all roses and one had to be prepared for the thorns as well.

I had a friend Bola (now my closest friend), who was into the same ushering business. Whenever she had a job, she will ask me to provide some hostesses, so I got to advertise her jobs on my social media platforms. 

Nobody needed to know who brought in the jobs as long as they kept coming and people continued believing in the brand. That was all that mattered at the time.

After our first job, there were about 5 other jobs in the period of a year. One of which was in Osogbo. I charged less, ran into huge debts, transported the hostesses all the way to Osogbo in my aunt's bus and back to Ibadan. ( the bus consumed so much fuel that I had silently wished we used the public transportation system instead). I was sad but happy because I was able to get another set of outfits, which also meant a new set of pictures.

In Osogbo

With six Jobs in a year! I knew I had to do something and fast! I couldn't continue like this. I decided to take on a couple of jobs for free the following year (2015) and it wasn't easy. I had to explain to my hostesses my plans and why I had to do it. Some understood while some simply made up excuses not to come on the days they were needed. 

A big shout out to our La' Heiress hostesses who stayed with us when the going was tough! Perpectua, Anastacia, Oyinkan, Busayo, Rose... My love for you girls is priceless!

Three free jobs and I now had pictures that I could show potential clients. I felt I had arrived, that the jobs will be flying in now that I had some pictures but little did I know that I was still VERY wrong! This was in 2015.

1st Free Job (January)

2nd Free Job (January)

3rd Free Job (April)

I waited and waited, continued my vigorous advertisement but all to no avail. I was frustrated, devasted, angry with myself for making yet another mistake (or so I thought). Then I got tired, I gave up and decided to venture into other things and this was when I decided to go into Personal Shopping fully. 

I had ventured into personal shopping sometimes in 2014 but it was supposed to be a side business. I had saved up some cash from my advertising job with a Media Agency (WOW! Media Concepts) and also from my youth service, so I felt ready to launch my new business. 

I got to know about a popular online store that sold anything and everything you could think of and without much enquiries, I went in blindly and started taking pictures from this online store and posting it on my social media platforms. It wasn't long before people started patronising me. Little did I know that this period was going to be one of the most difficult and challenging times in my entrepreneurial journey. 

To be continued...

La' Heiress Is 3 Today!

La' Heiress is 3 today! (27-06-2016)

Unfortunately, I have not been able to come up with anything to celebrate our 3rd year anniversary. The one thing I did do was to reflect. I reflected on the memories, the good, bad and the ugly memories. And then I thanked God for how far he has brought me.

As lost as I felt then, I just wanted to start and hoped it would count for something. I was unsure, I was afraid, I was happy and sad at the same time. 

Looking back today, I am glad that I started, it has been a challenging journey but God has been faithful. I am not yet where I want to be but I am on the right path.

I have given up. I have lost hope but most of all, I have learnt, I am stronger and I am moving forward, little by little we are getting there. 

Thank you to everyone who has ever believed in me or the brand. In some way, you all have been a source of inspiration to me. 

In the spirit of the our 3rd year anniversary, we would be offering our full wedding planning services to a special couple. 

This couple will also be eligible to receive all our complementary gifts and services which are:

- A customised guestbook

- Our Customised backdrop with the couple's pictures, a red rug and wedding props

- Our La' Heiress gift bag for the bride

- Two on site event coordinators and many more...

* You must follow our instagram account; @laheiress

* You must be getting married between January and July, 2017.

* Your Wedding must be in Lagos or Ibadan.

* Tell us why we should plan your wedding in 150 words. Please add your wedding details, location and date.

Send all details to: olamide@la-heiress.com

May the odds be in your favour! 

Happy Anniversary to La' Heiress.